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Thursday, September 13, 2012

But I love him by Amanda Grace

Summary on GoodReads.

I really don’t see the point of publishing under a pseudonym (Amanda Grace) and then right next to it have your real name printed (Mandy Hubbard). Is it because of financial issues?

Anyway, I liked But I love him because it deals with an abusive relationship. Ann is a happy and social girl who falls in love with Connor. A boy with family and temper issues but as he says he "only hits things, never people". That is until he hits Ann.

The book superficially goes through what goes on in an abusive relationship. I say artificially because it is a work of fiction not a compendium on domestic violence and psychology.

In an interview, Amanda Grace said that one of the reasons she wrote the book is so people can understand why victims of domestic violence don’t just walk away. I get that and I hope others get it too because it was not clear in the book. Whatever the reasons you learn in the book, one reason that Grace doesn’t mention is that many abused women don’t leave the abuser because they like it.

Yes, they like being abused because they feel needed and useful. As Connor always said to Ann after one of his outburst “don’t leave me, I need you,” that is one of the reason women take the abuse. Supposedly the man needs her and the woman believes him; but deep down she likes feeling needed even if that way.

Another aspect that Grace didn’t cover is the closeness that follows after a beating. Many women, even if unconsciously, provoke and look forward to those outbursts because of the togetherness, kisses and promises of love that follow. After the abuse the man becomes and acts like she’d like him to always be: loving and caring.

I must clarify, Grace does describe those moments but Ann never admits them. Ann doesn't quite say why she takes the shit she's taking from Connor. Oh! she lets out bits here and there but she never really admits her fault.

you must be thinking that is not her fault that Connor beats her... and yes, you are right. But you are only 95% right, the other 5% percent is Ann's fault for taking it.

Finally, Ann tells her story in reverse chronological order; that is, it starts with the present and goes backward to the day she meets Connor.

At first I was confused because I wasn't getting it. But then it clicked and it made sense. I’m not going to say that I loved this order but it works fine too. At least it is something different!

Different opinions here and here.

4 comments:

  1. Hi!

    I nominated your blog for a One Lovely Blog Award!
    Hope you can stop by mine to check it out! :)

    http://www.tyrony.com/2012/09/the-best-of-prize-is-surprise-willy.html

    Andreia

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hi, just thought I'd explain the pen-name thing since I get this question so much-- it has nothing to do with finances. I sold books at Mandy Hubbard first and they had an option to buy my next "Mandy Hubbard" book. As I wanted to do two books per year but the publishing schedule with the Mandy Hubbard books didnt allow for that, i chose to pursue a second "brand" of darker YA (my Mandy books tend to be more commercial and sometimes lighter), so I picked a pen-name.

    The names are linked on my website and I linked them on goodreads so that folks can find ALL of my books.

    ReplyDelete
  3. There isn't a whole bunch of good books out there about abusive contemporary relationships. I might end up reading this one.... Once I get through my huge bookpile at home :p

    Rola @ xo'reads

    ReplyDelete
  4. Oops! I really should think before writing, right? From the 'unknown' reply above you can guess what i mean...

    Sorry, am I?

    ReplyDelete